


Confessions

by praisethewaifu



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: F/F, Kanan is lowkey an alcoholic, Kanan just wants to love her girls yknow, Ruby is Kanan's voice of reason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-18 00:44:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11280213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/praisethewaifu/pseuds/praisethewaifu
Summary: Kanan can't fight the feelings she has for her childhood friends anymore, and alcohol isn't enough to keep these feelings at bay.





	1. Chapter 1

I stare at the television screen, my fingers tapping against the coffee table in the living room. It could've been me being anxious, or maybe I wanted to go for a run. The more I thought of those possibilities, the less likely they were. 

On the screen were two familiar people, hand-in-hand, walking out of a Tokyo coffee shop. The blonde girl was stunning, her hair and bright skin showing in the sunlight of that day. The darker-haired girl, straight locks intimidating, looked nervous but happy. 

Two complete opposites making one whole. Of course, that's how those things worked. A couple; their love. 

The pressure weighs down on me, the fact that I could never be a part of that perfect pair. My dreams weren't enough to satisfy me, but they're all I had and all I'll ever have. 

Despite the hardship feelings, it made me happy to see them together. My chest hurt, but they were happy. 

"Kanan-chan," a voice spoke from behind the couch, and I turn to look at them. It's Ruby, looking concerned as she always did when I came around. 

"What is it, Ruby?" I respond. She was sensitive, so I used a normal tone with her. 

"You've been watching that on repeat for a few hours now." When said aloud, I was embarrassed. Has it really been that long? "You look stressed. Are you not happy for my sister and Mari?" There it is, the question everyone is asking. 

"It's complicated, Ruby," I say, my emotions being zoned out. Not feeling is better than feeling bad, right? "I owe these two their happiness." It's like she knew of the pain I felt. 

"You keep saying that." She walks over and sits herself next to me, placing a hand on my thigh comfortingly. "How many bottles do you have to finish to convince yourself that you're not miserable?" As she mentions it, I look over to the finished bottles that were scattered around me. Ruby kept me in place, at least. 

"Too many," I reply, opening up another. She places her hand on mine, trying to push the bottle away. 

"You need to change your life." She grabs it and places it on the table. "You can't avoid it any longer." I burp, then look away. 

"Ruby, you don't understand." 

"I do, you like big sis and Mari-chan." The claim makes me sputter on any sort of reply, clawing at the couch beneath me. "You're in love with them." I could feel my fingernails pulling up from the force, but I kept going anyway. 

"No, I'm not." She didn't believe it for a second, but it's not true until I admit it. 

"We both know you are," she says, standing her ground. She doesn't do this often, so I might as well try to listen to her. 

"How? Why would it even matter?" 

"It's hurting you and your friendship with them! You need to talk to them!" She grabs my shoulders and forces me to make eye contact with her. "You need to trust me on this!" Her voice was still soft as ever, of course. 

"I can't talk to them."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanan is confused and not sure what the fuck is going on.

That led me to this moment, in which I was face-to-face with the two girls I am in love with. They were silently watching me, almost hungrily, as I shook from fear of that oncoming rejection. 

"Kanan," Dia says sternly, but the concern is still present. "We know you've been drinking." I choke up, afraid. They know? How? Did Ruby snitch on me? "You need to stop it." Easier said than done. 

"Listen, Kanan." Mari steps forward, grabbing one of my hands. I pull it away immediately, as if it was a hot pot. "Please, talk to us." I can't, I can't. "We won't judge you, you know that." Bullshit. 

Dia steps forward and grabs my shoulders forcefully, she looks frustrated. "Stop with this, talk to us. Remember what happened last time when you kept it bottled inside?" Oh, I could never forget. 

"I..." Gaze at the ground, I kick my feet awkwardly at the ground. When I look back up and look into her eyes, I can see something so unfamiliar but so familiar at the same time. Looking at Mari, I see it again. It calms me, gives me a new state of mind. 

"Kanan." They say it at the same time, and that's the moment where I break. It's shameless, and I know it is, but I couldn't care less as my lips connect with Dia's in a kiss. It's terrible, I feel awful, especially as Mari watches over it. I'm going to lose them anyway, might as well leave an impression. 

It backfires. The moment our lips connect, it takes a few seconds, but Dia kisses me back. It's fierce, passionate, and her hands roam up and down my sides. It feels so real, but it also feels like a dream. What's happening? 

It doesn't matter, because my hands are running down her back as I press our bodies together. I'm excited; it's fucked up. Mari's right there, her gaze heavy, as I kiss her girlfriend right in front of her. She'll hate me afterward, and maybe her and Dia might get into a fight, but I can't hold it in anymore. 

I'm so lost in the moment, and when my hand slowly creeps up her shirt she pulls away from me. We look each other in the eyes, and there's nothing negative in them. She looks happy. This is about to get scandalous. 

"Kanan?" It's Mari who speaks up first, and she steps close enough to touch. "What just happened?" I can't pinpoint the tone of her voice. 

"I'm sorry, Mari," I murmur, looking back toward the ground. Shameless, stupid, unbelievable. I betrayed them. 

Dia steps away from me silently, motioning for Mari to take her place. Before I could object, she's in front of me. It's tense, but not in a bad way. 

It's then that she grabs my hands. "What do you think you're doing?" She asks, but I'm more focused on her lips. Is it selfish to want both of them? 

"Mari..." I want her, and I want her bad. I'm already in deep shit, how bad would it be if I kissed her, too? She didn't look angry, either, which confused me. I just went with it, though. 

Our lips met halfway, and it was a frenzy of who would take over. Her hands brought mine to her waist, hers going right for my face. They stroked my cheeks, then down to my neck. I couldn't believe it; it didn't seem like she wanted me to leave. In this moment, I couldn't care. 

My hands roamed downward, grabbing her ass without feeling bad about it. Doing so made her push her hips into mine, and my head started spinning. She has such a nice body. 

Opening my eyes mid-kiss, I caught sight of Dia. She didn't look displeased, more like she was watching us. Not in an unpleasant way, either. She almost looked happy? 

Our eyes met, but she didn't turn away. Instead, she strode toward us. I prepared myself for the hit that I knew was coming. I wouldn't blame her, I deserve it. 

What I got wasn't a hit or anything of the sort. She got behind Mari, put her hands on her waist. Their bodies were pressed together, and Dia started kissing up and down her neck. I'm confused, not sure what's going on, but I like it. 

Mari pulled my face away, panting. "Oh my god." She sounded breathless. Dia giggled behind her. 

"A far-away dream, huh?" She says smugly, smirking. "You are so bold, Mari." 

"Oh, shush, you seemed just as into it." I have no idea what's going on at this point, just watching what's happening. "I have fairly new marks on my neck to prove it." Dia cringed at that. At this point I couldn't stay quiet. 

"Okay, what the fuck is going on?" I ask, pushing between them. They almost look guilty, but I'm not fooled. They're hiding something. 

Dia answers first. "Kanan, we have to tell you something." They each grab one of my hands and one of the other's. I still haven't recovered from the kiss, a bit dizzy and heated. 

"What?" 

"We are both in love with you." It was said mutually, at the same time, and they had so much excitement surrounding them. "We love you, Kanan." That's when they pulled me into a hug, and all was suddenly alright. 

Those nights I was drinking faded into my memory, new memories being made from where we stood right now. 

I didn't think being cornered by them in my own house was all that great until now. I knew it would be okay with them by my side. 

"I love both of you, too." My words are strangled, I was choking up. "Why didn't you guys tell me?" They didn't have to answer, because I'm sure it was the same as my reason. Not that it mattered, because I wouldn't give up the world for this.


End file.
